When God wants to change you instead of your circumstances

It goes something like this: we pray and pray and pray, asking God to change someone, to show them our perspective, to relieve us of our circumstances. But God doesn’t seem to budge. We continue to pray, wait, and pray some more when we realize it. God is looking to change us.

Ann Wilson nailed the idea in her book, How To Speak Life To Your Husband, “being right doesn’t always mean you’re in the right”. It’s very possible we have solid wisdom and reasoning. Yet God’s plans are different from our desires.

I don’t take well to seasons like this. I’m fine, God, I resist. I have no convictions waking me in the middle of the night, and I’d really rather sit this one out while you fix everyone else!

But praise God for his patience and perseverance, that he would continue to pursue us in our ignorance. As parents know what’s best for their children, so the Lord knows exactly what is best for us.

None of us enjoy the hardship and humility that comes with being sanctified. It’s a wrestling against the flesh. But I do know we want the fruit that comes after the pruning. When God wants to change us instead of our circumstances, may we be encouraged to let him. 

We start with confessing our affections and desires. I regularly find myself praying for my heart, God help me to care! And I find comfort in the promises of Ezekiel. I especially love the NLT translation:

“And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations.” – Ezekiel 36:26-27 NLT

The Lord enables our obedience. 

As we wait on the Lord, we continue obeying, although it’s often without ease. Cause me to walk in your ways, O Lord, I’ll plead. Praise him for his help, for following our natural desires leads to death [1]. Giving in to the flesh never yields the fruit of God. We need his perfect guidance. And we need it continually, because change is often gradual. 

Mentally preparing for a slow process helps shape our expectations. God is not in a rush. He cares more about our heart and our affections than our happiness and our comfort. He is relational and purposeful as he teaches us. And he is deliberate in his timing of producing fruit.  

Obeying God is often not instant gratification. But perhaps that’s the point. Rejecting our flesh and rejecting our desire to immediately take and have is exercising a trust and belief that God will provide. “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,” (Romans 8:28, emphasis added). He blesses us individually, and he also blesses us collectively. 

As we walk out our faith, that collective blessing is wrapped in communal processing. Brothers and sisters in Christ help encourage and shape us, and us them. Perhaps we even find motivation to work through some of the struggles because of the residual impact. We are helped to be helpers.

But ultimately, we submit to the Lord because he is always worth it. There is no life or fruitfulness apart from him. And he promises a great harvest to those who don’t give up [2]. 

We know sanctification is God’s will for our lives [3]. But we tend to forget what a gift this process is. Sin is enslaving. But as God is making us holy, he is simultaneously setting us free. Praise be to our Lord for time and time again intervening when we run right back to those chains of self-gratifying behavior. It tethers us to death and holds us back from love, joy and peace. Sin holds us back from the Father. 

But Jesus came to break these bonds. 

“It is for freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore,” (Galatians 5:1, emphasis added). We participate in the sanctification process with the Lord, because in Christ we are already sanctified [4]. The chains have no more power. 

As we walk in faith and grow in spiritual maturity, we learn to handle circumstances differently. And ironically, I’ve often found as I loosen my grip of control, difficult people and tough situations get easier simply because I’m not fighting so hard against it all. This side of Heaven, the process is beautiful, painful, humbling, and messy. But we can always trust the one who leads, the one who gave his life to set us free, the one we will live with forever. 

Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin. The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son remains forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” – John 8:34-36

“For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 6:20-23

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[1] “But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.” James 1:14-15

[2] “For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:8-9

[3] “For this is the will of God, your sanctification,” 1 Thessalonians 4:3

[4] “For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified.” Hebrews 10:14; “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession,” 1 Peter 2:9