To the Angry Mama – Gospel Hope Amid Our Temper

I was on the phone attempting to reschedule a dentist appointment when my kids came barreling around the corner. One was screaming and crying, and the other, cackling laughter.

I lost it. I slammed my phone to the ground and screamed, “Dangit you guys! GET. TO. YOUR. ROOMS!”

It was the last straw. And truth be told, it wasn’t “dangit” that flew so freely from my mouth. I looked down at my phone, now shattered, and inhaled slowly. Then, like my own children, I began justifying. But God… they started it. They’ve been at it all morning long. 

A more saintly mother might melt under regret of her outburst, but I held strong. They can’t act like that. But they can do chores until they can buy me a new phone.

Misery may like company, but the chorus of anger in motherhood isn’t comforting to anyone. We can shatter our phones, rage clean, or dish out eternal punishment, but perhaps there is yet another response. 

Perhaps we start with our own parent, our spiritual and forever Father, our perfect God. He is tender in our emotions, steadfast in character, and “a very present help in trouble” (Ps 46:1). We can release our anger to God.

Seeing His Heart 

While my initial response to anger may be defense, I later hold condemnation over my behavior. The sponge analogy – whatever is inside the sponge comes out when squeezed – haunts me. But praise God he isn’t afraid of our mess. He is prepared and able to handle our emotions. God does not reject us in our anger.

What if every time we recognize the ugly emotion erupting forth, we also recognize a simultaneous invitation from our Father, gently offering, “let me help you with this.” We can pour our feelings and circumstances to our Lord. He wants to walk with us. He wants us near when we are upset. 

In the same way, when we are right in our anger over wrongdoing, we can still hide from God because of anticipating how we’ll be received. But he cares when we’re hurting just the same. God is never partial to wrongdoing. 

Our Helper

Drawing near to the Lord can seem unnatural and even inappropriate when anger runs strong. We can know our motives are selfish, yet we still feel them. We can know we overreacted, and we still feel justified. We can even be valid in our anger but wrong in the expression of it. [1]

So easily, we put pressure on ourselves to try harder and be better. But Paul refutes this idea to the Galatians, “Did you receive the Holy Spirit by obeying the law of Moses? Of course not! You received the Spirit because you believed the message you heard about Christ… why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort?” (Galatians 3:2-3). 

In Christ, we have received the Spirit of God as our helper. He sanctifies us as we participate in obedience, and he comforts us as we grieve sin and hardship. God has united himself to us through his Spirit. We’re never expected to process life alone. 

The Tireless Gospel 

Anger forces us to confess we need help. It may feel shameful to admit, but God knew we could never do it. We couldn’t be pure enough. We couldn’t be powerful enough. We can’t even be wise enough. But our value has always stood outside our ability. 

Jesus came because he loved angry, exhausted mamas like us. When we were dead in our sins, before we even cried for help, Jesus came after us. He plunged out of Heaven to rescue us and offered himself on our behalf, paying the ultimate cost. No matter the circumstance, we can come to our Lord, our big hero brother, our ultimate friend. He’s already opened a door that no one, and no emotion, can shut. 

The Sanctification Journey 

As we walk through this crazy journey of life, God continually teaches us. In learning to handle our anger, we can also learn to understand it. We can take time to decipher if we’re hurt, upset over losing control, or afraid. 

We can cast off any perceived identity as an “angry mom” and instead receive forgiveness, knowing we are loved, we are mothers ordained by God, and we are learning. God will finish the good work he started in us. [2]

We are being transformed to resemble Christ. We can’t expect perfection yet, but we can expect correction. “No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way,” (Hebrews 12:11). We can be thankful for what’s changing within. And honestly, we can be thankful our kids have a mom who apologizes. We get to choose a legacy of repentance.

Looking ahead

One day, our babies will be the parents. We’ll spoil our grandbabies, and our children will be the ones who model a life of walking with God. As parents, our children will have the foundation that they can approach God in their anger. They can receive correction in adulthood. And they can grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior. “All glory to him, both now and forever! Amen,” (2 Peter 3:18).

Shocking as it may seem, I did apologize to each of my kids that stressful, phone shattering morning. And I did apologize, genuinely, to the Lord. I also thanked him for automated phone prompts that don’t record outbursts. But praise God, “if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness” (1 John 1:9). Our Father is Lord of all, Savior over sin and suffering, and a compassionate friend, eager to help. “Yahweh! The LORD! The God of compassion and mercy! I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness” (Exodus 34:6).

“Who is like you among the gods, O LORD— glorious in holiness, awesome in splendor, performing great wonders?… “With your unfailing love you lead the people you have redeemed. In your might, you guide them to your sacred home.” – Exodus 15:11, 13

[1] James 1:20
[2] Philippians 1:6

Let Every Person Be… Slow to Anger – Soaking in the Son

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“Train up a child in the way that he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

Note: This verse is a proverb and not a promise. The purpose of confession and releasing our anger to God is sanctification. It is a model for our children, and it’s even a model for other mamas around us. We learn and grow through different seasons of life and motherhood together. Our adult children may not love God the way we hope and pray for them to. But regardless, we can and should always be praying for their hearts. And we can be confident – God hears every single one of our prayers.

“The Lord hears when I call to him.” (Psalm 4:3b)