Forgiveness with a gentle and generous God

I sat in the parking lot of a shopping center and sobbed. Hot, angry tears fell down my cheek as I confessed, “I just don’t want to, God. I don’t want to forgive.”

I imagined God angry with my lack of faith and blatant defiance towards his clear command. I wondered if I would hear condemnation for my sin or if God would write me off entirely. Maybe a song would pop into my head reminding me of my own forgiveness and drive me to swallow my past and move on. 

But nothing happened. No voice. No lyrics. Just silence.

Maybe I felt abandoned, maybe I felt justified. I drove home that night wondering what was next, if anything was left for me. And in the weeks and months that followed, I watched God respond in a million little ways. I saw a tenderness I never knew existed and experienced a miracle I desperately needed but foolishly didn’t want. 

While there is much wise counsel on forgiveness, this post exists to only serve in part. God is gentle as we learn to forgive, and He is able to redeem all things.

Growing up in church, the message I always heard was simple: forgive because you have been forgiven. Forgive seven times seven. And it’s true. The command from the Lord is clear. But perhaps it’s easy to receive the instruction with shame and pressure. If only we love God enough, we will want to freely forgive. 

But my experience has been nothing like that. The first time I was called to forgive someone who hurt me deeply, my faith struggled tremendously. I couldn’t measure up in any of the ways a Christian is called to live, and I wasn’t sure how I would get through. 

But the true Gospel message is that Jesus forgave us before we even asked. While we were still sinners, he died for us. This means we have friendship with God and access to him before we fulfill any commands about forgiveness.

My prayers started with confessions of reality. “I’m so angry,” or “I don’t care”. But the resentment was changing me into a person I didn’t want to become, someone I didn’t want my family to experience. On occasion, I saw others, hardened, bitter, controlled by their emotions, and grieved, I don’t want to stay like this. 

So the prayers became potential opportunities. “God help me want to forgive. Help me want your healing.” And across weak, desperate prayers, God was there. God heard. And God helped. Even when we are faithless, he is still faithful. He is tender to meet us where we are.

Through that season, I realized part of my anger was harbored in the unfairness of what was lost. Time, sleep, social events, relationships… the impact of the situation had bled into so many other areas of my life. But somewhere along the way, God emphasized the glory of his sovereignty. He is Lord over all. He is Father. He is Provider. And there is nothing someone can take that he can not restore.

Throughout the Bible, the idea of forgiveness is understood to be transactional. To forgive is to relieve someone of a debt that they owe. If someone steals $10 from my child, I can easily restore that $10 for him. How much more is God able to restore, to replenish anything that is taken from us?

He is Lord over time, He can give us opportunity.
He is Lord over our bodies, He can give us rest.
He is Lord over our relationships, He can give us community.
And even to the end, the Lord God is Lord over death. The grave has no hold on him. He can give us life.

Even if we don’t see restoration the way we want to see it this side of Heaven, we can be guaranteed the day is coming that we will not long for anything. We will have so much time, we won’t be able to quantify it. We will have an eternal, soul-satisfying, permanent Sabbath rest. We will be united as one body in the Church across all generations of creation. And we will live forever, with no tears, no suffering, and no stop.

Our Father will embrace us tight as we walk through the journey of forgiveness and healing. And the pain will one day be a distant memory entirely as we savor the overwhelming beauty of his glorious light.

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Worship: King of Kings

Resources: Podcast, When Forgiveness Feels Unfair
Book, Forgiving What You Can’t Forget