Finding A Local Church After A Move Is Worth the Heartache

A May afternoon in 2020, my husband and I took a walk when he dropped a bomb, asking if I would move a thousand miles away. I replied with a confident “no”. Yet two months later, our house was sold. Our van was packed. We were moving.

I imagined transitioning would be simple. We’d find a new church, join small groups, and be connected in our new city. But reality looked much different. 

The first church felt like home immediately, until a member never called me back. Another church offered great sermons, but the size was too big. The next reminded us of what we left, but we struggled fitting into small groups. 

Finding a new church seemed impossible and perhaps falls to low priority to many across our nation. In a recent study, Jim Davis and Michael Graham found, “Tens of millions of formerly regular Christian worshipers nationwide have decided they no longer desire to attend church at all.” The number one reason? They moved. 

We were almost part of that data. Our process was messy, long, and lonely. But nevertheless, I stand convinced finding a local church community after a move is worth the heartache. 

Our Family Status

In Christ, we’re already part of the Church. We already belong to the family of God, standing as co-heirs with Christ. Ephesians reminds us, “You are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God,” (Ephesians 2:19).  

As part of this family, our role is important. We were made for community and for edifying the body. “There are many parts, yet one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I have no need of you’… If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it,” (1 Corinthians 12:20-21, 26-27). All members are needed for the body to function well. We bless the global Church and our local community through involvement. 

Physically gathering together, to the best of our ability, enables us to live this out. Hebrews 10:25 cautions against “neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another.” As Jeff Robinson points out in his article, Must I Join a Church to be a Christian?, “Relying on electronic media to feed your soul is like eating every meal in a restaurant by yourself and never having meals at home with your family… your soul needs more than (even good) information.” From worship to fellowship to discussion, we are designed for community and commanded to love people within it. 

How do we do it

My family and I attended our previous church for five years. We watched it double in size, prayed over the ground of a new building, and carried each of our babies in for dedication. I knew the name of every student in the children’s ministry and most families who walked through the lobby. Moving away felt like the death of 200 friends.

After relocating, church was the hardest place to be. I cried, hard and often, looking at what was before me but only remembering what was behind. Leaving a community of family and trying to find a new one confronts a person with two very different realities: grieving loss and exposure to change. They may not work in tandem, but the Lord is tender to guide us. 

When we remember our past, we’re tempted to compare and critique, but our memories can filter through rose colored glasses. Nothing is ever perfect. Surrendering expectations allows us to trust God to work through our circumstances.

But no church has everything. This side of Heaven, we live in the tension of sanctification, and the Church is no exception. We found ourselves liking one church’s worship but another’s preaching. Meanwhile, my kids fought for the student ministry with the best playground and free snacks. There was no unanimous agreement. 

Knowing where to land can feel burdensome. It’s an honorable desire to be within God’s plan but discouraging to not know what that is. While a gospel-centered mission and adherence to Biblical doctrine are most important, some cities offer multiple options to fit the bill. Here, we have freedom in settling into a church home. God is able to bless us regardless.

The Right Mindset

We can expect to take the initiative. The process probably won’t be easy with an enemy fighting to keep us alone and vulnerable. But we can hold a servant posture and prepare to reach out, learn names, and maybe even start the small group we can’t find. 

But most importantly, we pray. We can ask for clarity, community, and confidence in settling into a church. And we expect God to provide because it is his will. He hears our every prayer. 

Ironically, what made our transition so difficult–leaving a tight church family–was the one thing that kept me going. I was determined to re-establish what we had. My family ended up settling into a church without any major epiphany. We simply landed where we found disciple groups. Our new community was born. 

Yet already those original groups have changed. And our church back home isn’t how we left it. Seasons of life progress for everyone. The nature of community will always be fluid, continually evolving according to the sovereign hand of our Lord. May our hands receive his offering.

No matter the narrative of our transition, we can stay confident our connection is worth it, because our God is worth it. He is the great King whose reign will never end. And one day we will celebrate him with the final community, the everlasting Church, with friends old and new. This world isn’t our permanent home, but it holds our permanent family.