Let Every Person Be… Slow to Speak – Towards Man

In high school, my Spanish professor nicknamed me “Boca”. For anyone without an introductory lesson in the language, boca, so eloquently, means mouth. I guess you could say I had a slight disposition to extra chatter. Or maybe a strong disposition, considering it earned me such an endearing nickname. But if I always had an opinion, shouldn’t I be quick to bless my class with my words? Who wouldn’t want perpetual comments from a teenager?

Ironically, growing up in church and spending my youth immersed in Scripture, I’m not sure I ever noticed just how often God talks about how to use our bocas. From Old Testament to New, there is an abundance of warning and encouragement. The foundation is laid out for us in the beginning. “So God created man in his own image” [1]. No matter who we are speaking to, no matter what language, we are speaking as an image-bearer, to another image-bearer of the one true God. Because we are speaking to people that God purposefully created, our words matter.

But if we dig a little deeper, maybe even more important than our words are our thoughts. God cares so much for our hearts, for the things going on internally that no one sees. And he knows –  what we think about, we will project. “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” [2]. We are called to take our thoughts captive and to intentionally dwell on truth [3].

A few years ago, I was having difficulty in a relationship, and a friend recommended a book, Crucial Conversations. Except it quickly became painful to read – instead of teaching me how to change the other person, it challenged me to consider my own heart and motives. Ugh! No thanks. But while ignorance is foolish, it’s also unhelpful. “Once you call into question the shifting desires of your heart, you can make conscious choices to change them,” co-authors Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan and Al Switzler write. How? They answer, by considering what we want most.

Never was this more clear to me than the night I scrubbed dishes all by myself. Any mom knows where this is going: I always have to clean up after everyone, everything is always left for me, my husband never helps… my thoughts gripped. Until it hit me. Hard. But what do I really want? If I wanted to be right, that no one was helping me, I could continue scrubbing and stewing. Or if I really wanted help, I could ask. I knew my husband would join.

Honestly, I think that night I chose to stew, pout and scrub. But it still impacted me. While every situation doesn’t elicit time to stop and evaluate what’s going on internally, if we practice slowing down where we can, we can learn to apply thought to our words more often and naturally. Instead of sarcastic comments or silent treatment… I’m learning to simply ask for help. 

In Proverbs, we’re told, “Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes” [4]. How is that helpful? It drives us to wisdom. In examining our heart and considering what we really want, we can consider whether to speak at all.

A flip through Proverbs, and we see a repetitive theme of watching our tongues: 

“When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” [5] 
“Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise.” [6]
“A fool’s lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating.” [7]

We can be warned: keep it shut.

In the same book, we also find a theme of opportunity:

“The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life.” [8]
“The lips of the righteous feed many.” [9]
“Open your mouth for the mute, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy.” [10]

We can be encouraged: use it for good.

We can and should use God’s Word as guidance, as a light to our path. And we also must look to the personification of whom it all points to. For the wisdom of God, the word of God, became flesh. Jesus came to live among his people, and he regularly spoke to heal. To teach. To forgive. 

“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do,” [11] he heaved, breathless and suffocating upon the cross.

The perfect man, the sinless saint. Absorbing the crushing weight of our sin, our words, our foolishness. That we might receive his Spirit, his heart, his righteousness.

When we make a habit of parking here, of marveling at our King, meditating upon our exodus from death to life, from orphan to son or daughter, our heart changes. We grow in loving God. We grow in loving people. Our speech, or lack thereof, follows.   

Our words can be used in a million different ways, but may we never forget the importance of loving people by sharing this Gospel message. We are commissioned to go into all the world, to make disciples and teach observance to everything that has been commanded [12]. Our Messiah is with us always. And he will lead the way.

High school seems like a century ago now, and boca is one of the few words I even remember. I suppose some things just stick. I love to think I’ve matured a bit since, but alas, here I sit, still with plenty of words that I’m eager to share. But praise God for his gift of warning and wisdom, that we could have any way to navigate such a delicate topic. And praise God for his gift of presence, that he would be so patient and accessible to walk with us as we learn to implement his word. For we all were made by the same creator, and Lord knows, we all need his help.

[1] Genesis 1:27
[2] Matthew 12:34, Luke 6:45
[3] 2 Corinthians 10:15, Philippians 4:8
[4] Proverbs 26:4-5
[5] Proverbs 10:19
[6] Proverbs 17:28
[7] Proverbs 18:6
[8] Proverbs 10:11
[9] Proverbs 10:21
[10] Proverbs 31:9
[11] Luke 23:34
[12] Matthew 28:18-20

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If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him. – James 1:5

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